How has it been since May that I’ve written? At least 2 or 3 times a week I mean to get on here and update everything, but never get to it. There's been so much, so I’m going to keep it short and touch on as much as I can. I went in June to the CMA Fest in Nashville and had a blast! I saw so many artists and when I have a bit more time I’ll post pictures on here. I went to school all summer (passing 3 of 4 classes with c's and better and failing 1) and am going to school this semester as well. While I’m not a hundred percent sure as to what I plan on doing, I’m pretty certain that I’m going to pursue an education degree. I’m really excited about it, maybe for the first time ever. I started a new job a couple of weeks ago, which is going great thus far. It’s in a retail store and I get a off early in the day.... so I love that! I just hate having to be at work at 6am! I’ve been reading a lot lately, which I’m also enjoying a lot. I just finished Nights at the Rodanthe, and it was AMAZING, I can't wait for the movie to come out. I've also settled into a new apartment, which I really like, but it's definily smaller than my last... a bit of a downgrade overall. But it's more affordable and when all else fails I’ll just call it quaint. I hope to be getting back in the habit of writing on here, because I honestly love it so much. I have a trip to Vegas coming up in the very near future and I can't freakin’ wait! There’s a bigger group of us going this time so it ought to be a lot of fun. As I get back into the habit of posting I’ll delve more into my summer and update everything. Hope all is well!
Love!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
3rd Post and Counting...
Yes, i realize that it is 4am. I also realize that this is my 3rd blog today.... what can i say, i'm in a typing mood. I was looking back on all my blogs and realized a lot of them are kinda depressing...or make me look bad. so i've decided to come up with 5 things i love about myself and why. your thinking this is gay right... if so then skip ahead a couple of blogs for all the drama :)
1.Honesty- I am one of the most honest people i know, and i really pride myself in that. it's so easy to lie about things, but telling the truth is usually easier in the long run. you don't get tangled up in what you told this person versus what you told that person... it's all just too tiring!
2.Friendiness- I'm a great friend. I'm honest and truly loyal. i'm always there for ya... even if i don't want to be. i'm a good listener and even better talker...lol!
3.Advisor- i give good advice, actually i give great advice! ha ha! i feel like if more people listened to me then they'd be better off. that's funny coming from someone as jacked up as me...right! but for some reason i've always been able to give really good advice. the secret is- chances are the person your advising already knows the right answer.... you just have to be there to beat it into their head!
4.Forgiving- I may have trouble forgetting certian things... but i'm always the first to forgive. sometimes it's just too hard to hold a grudge, it's like lying...too time consuming!
5.Hair- OK, i had to pick one superficial quality and it is SOO my hair! I have great hair...no, i have awesome hair! the color is perfect, the bangs rock and i love the texture! i can't wait for it to be longer so i can do more with it lol!
anyway, i hope this helped to show you all i'm not so dark and misunderstood... though i try to be! :)
LOVE!!!
1.Honesty- I am one of the most honest people i know, and i really pride myself in that. it's so easy to lie about things, but telling the truth is usually easier in the long run. you don't get tangled up in what you told this person versus what you told that person... it's all just too tiring!
2.Friendiness- I'm a great friend. I'm honest and truly loyal. i'm always there for ya... even if i don't want to be. i'm a good listener and even better talker...lol!
3.Advisor- i give good advice, actually i give great advice! ha ha! i feel like if more people listened to me then they'd be better off. that's funny coming from someone as jacked up as me...right! but for some reason i've always been able to give really good advice. the secret is- chances are the person your advising already knows the right answer.... you just have to be there to beat it into their head!
4.Forgiving- I may have trouble forgetting certian things... but i'm always the first to forgive. sometimes it's just too hard to hold a grudge, it's like lying...too time consuming!
5.Hair- OK, i had to pick one superficial quality and it is SOO my hair! I have great hair...no, i have awesome hair! the color is perfect, the bangs rock and i love the texture! i can't wait for it to be longer so i can do more with it lol!
anyway, i hope this helped to show you all i'm not so dark and misunderstood... though i try to be! :)
LOVE!!!
It was a mission statement...
I wrote this blog several months ago and had it on my myspace. i just found it and really wanted to post it on here, because even though it's form a while back i still feel like unfortunately it applies to me!
How do you change? Maybe you know you need to change and who you need to become, but how do you get from who you are to who you want to be? In my 21 years I've changed...I've evolved. from a child who was shy and insecure, to a teenager who was fun loving and hardworking, to a young adult who is often confused and kinda sad, still adventurous and wide eyed. but is it possible (for me) to force myself to change without having to wait for my next evolution?
I'm in a rut. I'm not depressed or anything...just kinda in a funk. i just feel like most the times things are either OK or sucky.
sometimes i feel like if i didn't live in btown things would be easier. i think that i would have left by now if i didn't have a reason to stay (obviously). i have only 1 reason to stay (you know who you are). I'm not upset i have a reason to stay...I'm actually quite grateful. I'm lucky to have that reason...because people like that are hard to find...I'm lucky.
so how to i change? how do i go from caring too much and being almost self destructive ... to being not as involved and living for myself. LIVING FOR MYSELF. i preach to everyone that they have to live their own life without reservations (i give advice a lot (wanted and unwanted)). yet it seems as i have no answers for myself...very frustrating.
I'm tired of bitching about the same things every day. I'm tired of putting myself in positions and situations i know better than to put myself in. I'm tired of being lied to. I'm tired of being treated like a child. I'm tired of acting like a child. I'm tired of pretending like things will change. I'm tired of pretending like i can make people change. I'm tired of feeling bad for myself.
but most of all I'm tired of pretending like one day the people i love will look up and realize that I'm more important than the alcohol, the drugs, and the hookups. that if i try one more time or give one more speech or make one more phone call it'll make a difference. that one day they'll realize everything they've done wrong and change it. that one day...they'll be there because they WANT to.
that's an awful lot to ask for...and maybe it's a little selfish. but this is my blog and i can write what i want.
anyway, maybe today's the day...maybe today will be different. i picked a hell of a day to want to change. if you know me...you know why. things have to change, because if they keep going I'm afraid I'll loose any trace of the funny, caring, goofy, adventurous, wide eyed, laid back, hardworking girl inside of me.
so tell me how to change... I'll take anything!
love!!!
How do you change? Maybe you know you need to change and who you need to become, but how do you get from who you are to who you want to be? In my 21 years I've changed...I've evolved. from a child who was shy and insecure, to a teenager who was fun loving and hardworking, to a young adult who is often confused and kinda sad, still adventurous and wide eyed. but is it possible (for me) to force myself to change without having to wait for my next evolution?
I'm in a rut. I'm not depressed or anything...just kinda in a funk. i just feel like most the times things are either OK or sucky.
sometimes i feel like if i didn't live in btown things would be easier. i think that i would have left by now if i didn't have a reason to stay (obviously). i have only 1 reason to stay (you know who you are). I'm not upset i have a reason to stay...I'm actually quite grateful. I'm lucky to have that reason...because people like that are hard to find...I'm lucky.
so how to i change? how do i go from caring too much and being almost self destructive ... to being not as involved and living for myself. LIVING FOR MYSELF. i preach to everyone that they have to live their own life without reservations (i give advice a lot (wanted and unwanted)). yet it seems as i have no answers for myself...very frustrating.
I'm tired of bitching about the same things every day. I'm tired of putting myself in positions and situations i know better than to put myself in. I'm tired of being lied to. I'm tired of being treated like a child. I'm tired of acting like a child. I'm tired of pretending like things will change. I'm tired of pretending like i can make people change. I'm tired of feeling bad for myself.
but most of all I'm tired of pretending like one day the people i love will look up and realize that I'm more important than the alcohol, the drugs, and the hookups. that if i try one more time or give one more speech or make one more phone call it'll make a difference. that one day they'll realize everything they've done wrong and change it. that one day...they'll be there because they WANT to.
that's an awful lot to ask for...and maybe it's a little selfish. but this is my blog and i can write what i want.
anyway, maybe today's the day...maybe today will be different. i picked a hell of a day to want to change. if you know me...you know why. things have to change, because if they keep going I'm afraid I'll loose any trace of the funny, caring, goofy, adventurous, wide eyed, laid back, hardworking girl inside of me.
so tell me how to change... I'll take anything!
love!!!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Rocks in my Shoes...
Sorry it's been so long. I'm sitting here on the floor of my old bedroom at my moms house. Still looking for a job, still looking for a place to live. Sunday I'm looking at a place though that has a lot of potential, so that's exciting. it's hard for me to find a place cause i know I'm most likely gonna have to settle for some one bedroom tiny ass apartment that I'm gonna hate. id love to be in Nashville in my dream loft with hardwood floors and brick walls, and of course stainless steel appliances. I've never wanted to live in the city until i discovered lofts! they are amazing! i love the rundown vacant warehouse look on the outside and the luxury artsy feel of the actual lofts! I'm just as picky when it comes to a job too! one day i wanna be a teacher, the next a social worker, then i want to work in the medical field, or be a real estate agent or an assassin or cowgirl! I'm 21, i don't know what i want to do for the rest of my life?! i still say cool beans, people who say cool beans aren't ready to make career choices! i know i don't have to pick the job I'm gonna have forever, or the place I'll raise my children or be with the guy I'm gonna marry... but i just wanna cut through the trial and error shit and just automatically be grown up, is that so wrong? ha ha, right there ya can see the laziness just a shinin' through!
what else is there???
I'm starting summer school soon, I'm excited for that maybe a new road will lead me where i need to be. the hard part is just following through with it...guess we'll see!
for now all is drama free...just stressfull. so many things ending and so many new beggings ahead... it''s all a bit overwhelming!
LOVE!!!
what else is there???
I'm starting summer school soon, I'm excited for that maybe a new road will lead me where i need to be. the hard part is just following through with it...guess we'll see!
for now all is drama free...just stressfull. so many things ending and so many new beggings ahead... it''s all a bit overwhelming!
LOVE!!!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
One Good Year...
I hate being sick! I hate having a sore throat and ear aches and stuffy noses... i hate it all! but besides being sick all else is kosher for now. in the next month my life will fall together finally. i used the word FALL on purpose. had i said "come together" that might imply that i had a plan for the way things were going to turn out... but that's so not the case. i used the word FALL because things are literally going to drop from where they are now into a completely new place, and unfortunately i have put myself in the position to just let it happen without much say so. my lease is almost up, I'm almost out of money, i have no where else to live (but my moms), i have no job... isn't it amazing where you end up in a year. A year ago i was in school, i had a large sum of money from an inheritance, i was looking forward to so much for so long and now it's all washed away. gone to laziness, irresponsibility, and a lack maturity. it amazes me still, not a day goes by where i don't wake up and think... how the hell did i get here? and what the hell can i do to go back? maybe that's what keeps us going, the thought that we can still go back. OK, maybe i can't really go back, but i could be the me i was then. i could still be the girl i always thought i could be. Right...
PS: It's not about happily ever after, It's about happy right now! (and hoping you still get the happily ever after too)
LOVE!!!
PS: It's not about happily ever after, It's about happy right now! (and hoping you still get the happily ever after too)
LOVE!!!
Friday, April 18, 2008
Bitch Fest...
Sometimes there are things going on in the world that are bigger than you, but that may be hard to see. However hard it is to admit it, most of the time, we kinda forget about what else may exist outside our own problems. i don't think that makes me selfish, i just try to put myself first. i didn't used to... and i got burned a lot. HOWEVER, do you ever feel like your constantly put on the back burner? Like maybe to some people your always the last thing on their mind. I'm really trying to be honest here without sounding way selfish or like an attention hog. it's hard not to be upset though when you have someone who means so much to you and you feel like you mean so little to them. it's like there's always something else going on and there's never quite enough time for you, but your expected to be there the moment they need you. maybe it's just as much my fault, but it can be so damn aggravating.
I started this blog earlier today...and i have a couple other things to add to my little rant!
i hate it when you tell someone something and ask for it to be kept between just the two of you and then that person tells someone else! isn't that the most high school thing you've ever heard! i got bitched out today by someone all because some i trusted went outside our PROMISE and spilled the beans to someone else. i mean what are ya gonna do...but it still blows!
oh and speaking of liars... yea, i hate that too! "we've been friends for years, we go to church together every Sunday" um... maybe that's cognito for "while my husbands gone i hang out with his crack head friend and awkwardly try to make him lucky number 6!" arg... frustrating! please don't get drunk, like you do every night, and try to convince me that the girl on his phone is a crazy drunk! also please don't tell me that your husband is a RECOVERING alcoholic when i just saw him down 2 beers at the Red Lobster! and please inform him that those tacky plastic key chains (that look like they came from a car lot) he wears on his zipper that say "30 DAYS SOBER" are a fucking joke! way to be in jail for a PI dude!
any who... i needed to vent and at the same time avoid pissing people off more! thanks for reading!
LOVE!!
I started this blog earlier today...and i have a couple other things to add to my little rant!
i hate it when you tell someone something and ask for it to be kept between just the two of you and then that person tells someone else! isn't that the most high school thing you've ever heard! i got bitched out today by someone all because some i trusted went outside our PROMISE and spilled the beans to someone else. i mean what are ya gonna do...but it still blows!
oh and speaking of liars... yea, i hate that too! "we've been friends for years, we go to church together every Sunday" um... maybe that's cognito for "while my husbands gone i hang out with his crack head friend and awkwardly try to make him lucky number 6!" arg... frustrating! please don't get drunk, like you do every night, and try to convince me that the girl on his phone is a crazy drunk! also please don't tell me that your husband is a RECOVERING alcoholic when i just saw him down 2 beers at the Red Lobster! and please inform him that those tacky plastic key chains (that look like they came from a car lot) he wears on his zipper that say "30 DAYS SOBER" are a fucking joke! way to be in jail for a PI dude!
any who... i needed to vent and at the same time avoid pissing people off more! thanks for reading!
LOVE!!
Monday, April 14, 2008
SO sad...
I wanted to post a blog about something that's been on my mind a couple of days now. I'm sure by now you've heard of the 16 yr old girl in FL who was basically imprisoned in a house with 6 other girls and severely beaten. not only was this poor girl their "friend" but the feud started over "trash talking" in myspace comments and texts messages. this girl was beaten so badly that her parents admitted to not being able to recognize her in the hospital she suffered from a concussion, among the many bruises and severe swelling and has STILL not regained complete uses of her left ear and eye! reading these articles and seeing the parents and police speak out about it on Youtube has shaken me to the core. these are girls between 14 and 17 who not just beat the shit out of someone but could have killed her! and above all that they video taped it for laughs and posted it online. now some people blame myspace and youtube and believe they should be shutdown... i disagree. i DO believe that Youtube especially should monitor all video postings, same with Myspace. I know that requires a lot more work...but honestly had these girls known there was no way to post this video there's a chance it may never had happened. on the other hand, because of places like youtube people like me can access these stories and become more aware of the world around us, more than half the news i get in a week comes from online videos! however, regardless off all that i hope these children (6 girls and 2 boys who were lookouts) learn the consequence of their behavior. i can only pray that they are ALL charged as adults and serve hard time for what they've done to this poor girl! imagine, if they get away with this how will they be in 5 years or 10 years once they're fully grown? sure some of the girls may have been more involved in the physical beating than the others, but the fact of the matter is not one fucking person stepped in and said you know what...this is wrong. not one girl tried to stop what was going on or warn the girl before she walked into that house!
a few months ago 4 men walked into a home in Indianapolis and shot and killed 2 mothers and their children! Both mothers were 24 years old and the babies were 23 months and 4 months old. all victims were shot multiple times in the face and torso. a few days later one of the men turned himself in and the 3 others were quickly brought in as well...and you know what, there's a good chance that only one or two of them will spend their life in jail! all because they pulled the trigger and the others men didn't...now is that right? no! because like i said before, not one of those other men tried to stop anyone or called the police right away or call an ambulance...nothing. so should they all serve the same term...in my eyes absolutely!
this whole "well i didn't pull the trigger/throw the punch so i get less time even though i didn't try to stop it" attitude has to change! if you watch someone shoot some or you know your going over to a friends house to tape them beating the shit out of someone else you should with out doubt serve the EXACT sentence as them!
i know that's a lot of writing but this story has been breaking my heart, please watch the videos of people giving their 2 cents on youtube...it's a sad story but unfortunately things like this happen all the time and we need to be aware so that next time maybe someone will speak up and stop something like this from happening!
LOVE!!
a few months ago 4 men walked into a home in Indianapolis and shot and killed 2 mothers and their children! Both mothers were 24 years old and the babies were 23 months and 4 months old. all victims were shot multiple times in the face and torso. a few days later one of the men turned himself in and the 3 others were quickly brought in as well...and you know what, there's a good chance that only one or two of them will spend their life in jail! all because they pulled the trigger and the others men didn't...now is that right? no! because like i said before, not one of those other men tried to stop anyone or called the police right away or call an ambulance...nothing. so should they all serve the same term...in my eyes absolutely!
this whole "well i didn't pull the trigger/throw the punch so i get less time even though i didn't try to stop it" attitude has to change! if you watch someone shoot some or you know your going over to a friends house to tape them beating the shit out of someone else you should with out doubt serve the EXACT sentence as them!
i know that's a lot of writing but this story has been breaking my heart, please watch the videos of people giving their 2 cents on youtube...it's a sad story but unfortunately things like this happen all the time and we need to be aware so that next time maybe someone will speak up and stop something like this from happening!
LOVE!!
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