4 months?!

How has it been since May that I’ve written? At least 2 or 3 times a week I mean to get on here and update everything, but never get to it. There's been so much, so I’m going to keep it short and touch on as much as I can. I went in June to the CMA Fest in Nashville and had a blast! I saw so many artists and when I have a bit more time I’ll post pictures on here. I went to school all summer (passing 3 of 4 classes with c's and better and failing 1) and am going to school this semester as well. While I’m not a hundred percent sure as to what I plan on doing, I’m pretty certain that I’m going to pursue an education degree. I’m really excited about it, maybe for the first time ever. I started a new job a couple of weeks ago, which is going great thus far. It’s in a retail store and I get a off early in the day.... so I love that! I just hate having to be at work at 6am! I’ve been reading a lot lately, which I’m also enjoying a lot. I just finished Nights at the Rodanthe, and it was AMAZING, I can't wait for the movie to come out. I've also settled into a new apartment, which I really like, but it's definily smaller than my last... a bit of a downgrade overall. But it's more affordable and when all else fails I’ll just call it quaint. I hope to be getting back in the habit of writing on here, because I honestly love it so much. I have a trip to Vegas coming up in the very near future and I can't freakin’ wait! There’s a bigger group of us going this time so it ought to be a lot of fun. As I get back into the habit of posting I’ll delve more into my summer and update everything. Hope all is well!


Love!

3rd Post and Counting...

Yes, i realize that it is 4am. I also realize that this is my 3rd blog today.... what can i say, i'm in a typing mood. I was looking back on all my blogs and realized a lot of them are kinda depressing...or make me look bad. so i've decided to come up with 5 things i love about myself and why. your thinking this is gay right... if so then skip ahead a couple of blogs for all the drama :)

1.Honesty- I am one of the most honest people i know, and i really pride myself in that. it's so easy to lie about things, but telling the truth is usually easier in the long run. you don't get tangled up in what you told this person versus what you told that person... it's all just too tiring!
2.Friendiness- I'm a great friend. I'm honest and truly loyal. i'm always there for ya... even if i don't want to be. i'm a good listener and even better talker...lol!
3.Advisor- i give good advice, actually i give great advice! ha ha! i feel like if more people listened to me then they'd be better off. that's funny coming from someone as jacked up as me...right! but for some reason i've always been able to give really good advice. the secret is- chances are the person your advising already knows the right answer.... you just have to be there to beat it into their head!
4.Forgiving- I may have trouble forgetting certian things... but i'm always the first to forgive. sometimes it's just too hard to hold a grudge, it's like lying...too time consuming!
5.Hair- OK, i had to pick one superficial quality and it is SOO my hair! I have great hair...no, i have awesome hair! the color is perfect, the bangs rock and i love the texture! i can't wait for it to be longer so i can do more with it lol!

anyway, i hope this helped to show you all i'm not so dark and misunderstood... though i try to be! :)

LOVE!!!

It was a mission statement...

I wrote this blog several months ago and had it on my myspace. i just found it and really wanted to post it on here, because even though it's form a while back i still feel like unfortunately it applies to me!

How do you change? Maybe you know you need to change and who you need to become, but how do you get from who you are to who you want to be? In my 21 years I've changed...I've evolved. from a child who was shy and insecure, to a teenager who was fun loving and hardworking, to a young adult who is often confused and kinda sad, still adventurous and wide eyed. but is it possible (for me) to force myself to change without having to wait for my next evolution?
I'm in a rut. I'm not depressed or anything...just kinda in a funk. i just feel like most the times things are either OK or sucky.
sometimes i feel like if i didn't live in btown things would be easier. i think that i would have left by now if i didn't have a reason to stay (obviously). i have only 1 reason to stay (you know who you are). I'm not upset i have a reason to stay...I'm actually quite grateful. I'm lucky to have that reason...because people like that are hard to find...I'm lucky.
so how to i change? how do i go from caring too much and being almost self destructive ... to being not as involved and living for myself. LIVING FOR MYSELF. i preach to everyone that they have to live their own life without reservations (i give advice a lot (wanted and unwanted)). yet it seems as i have no answers for myself...very frustrating.
I'm tired of bitching about the same things every day. I'm tired of putting myself in positions and situations i know better than to put myself in. I'm tired of being lied to. I'm tired of being treated like a child. I'm tired of acting like a child. I'm tired of pretending like things will change. I'm tired of pretending like i can make people change. I'm tired of feeling bad for myself.
but most of all I'm tired of pretending like one day the people i love will look up and realize that I'm more important than the alcohol, the drugs, and the hookups. that if i try one more time or give one more speech or make one more phone call it'll make a difference. that one day they'll realize everything they've done wrong and change it. that one day...they'll be there because they WANT to.
that's an awful lot to ask for...and maybe it's a little selfish. but this is my blog and i can write what i want.
anyway, maybe today's the day...maybe today will be different. i picked a hell of a day to want to change. if you know me...you know why. things have to change, because if they keep going I'm afraid I'll loose any trace of the funny, caring, goofy, adventurous, wide eyed, laid back, hardworking girl inside of me.
so tell me how to change... I'll take anything!

love!!!

Rocks in my Shoes...

Sorry it's been so long. I'm sitting here on the floor of my old bedroom at my moms house. Still looking for a job, still looking for a place to live. Sunday I'm looking at a place though that has a lot of potential, so that's exciting. it's hard for me to find a place cause i know I'm most likely gonna have to settle for some one bedroom tiny ass apartment that I'm gonna hate. id love to be in Nashville in my dream loft with hardwood floors and brick walls, and of course stainless steel appliances. I've never wanted to live in the city until i discovered lofts! they are amazing! i love the rundown vacant warehouse look on the outside and the luxury artsy feel of the actual lofts! I'm just as picky when it comes to a job too! one day i wanna be a teacher, the next a social worker, then i want to work in the medical field, or be a real estate agent or an assassin or cowgirl! I'm 21, i don't know what i want to do for the rest of my life?! i still say cool beans, people who say cool beans aren't ready to make career choices! i know i don't have to pick the job I'm gonna have forever, or the place I'll raise my children or be with the guy I'm gonna marry... but i just wanna cut through the trial and error shit and just automatically be grown up, is that so wrong? ha ha, right there ya can see the laziness just a shinin' through!



what else is there???



I'm starting summer school soon, I'm excited for that maybe a new road will lead me where i need to be. the hard part is just following through with it...guess we'll see!

for now all is drama free...just stressfull. so many things ending and so many new beggings ahead... it''s all a bit overwhelming!

LOVE!!!

One Good Year...

I hate being sick! I hate having a sore throat and ear aches and stuffy noses... i hate it all! but besides being sick all else is kosher for now. in the next month my life will fall together finally. i used the word FALL on purpose. had i said "come together" that might imply that i had a plan for the way things were going to turn out... but that's so not the case. i used the word FALL because things are literally going to drop from where they are now into a completely new place, and unfortunately i have put myself in the position to just let it happen without much say so. my lease is almost up, I'm almost out of money, i have no where else to live (but my moms), i have no job... isn't it amazing where you end up in a year. A year ago i was in school, i had a large sum of money from an inheritance, i was looking forward to so much for so long and now it's all washed away. gone to laziness, irresponsibility, and a lack maturity. it amazes me still, not a day goes by where i don't wake up and think... how the hell did i get here? and what the hell can i do to go back? maybe that's what keeps us going, the thought that we can still go back. OK, maybe i can't really go back, but i could be the me i was then. i could still be the girl i always thought i could be. Right...

PS: It's not about happily ever after, It's about happy right now! (and hoping you still get the happily ever after too)

LOVE!!!

Bitch Fest...

Sometimes there are things going on in the world that are bigger than you, but that may be hard to see. However hard it is to admit it, most of the time, we kinda forget about what else may exist outside our own problems. i don't think that makes me selfish, i just try to put myself first. i didn't used to... and i got burned a lot. HOWEVER, do you ever feel like your constantly put on the back burner? Like maybe to some people your always the last thing on their mind. I'm really trying to be honest here without sounding way selfish or like an attention hog. it's hard not to be upset though when you have someone who means so much to you and you feel like you mean so little to them. it's like there's always something else going on and there's never quite enough time for you, but your expected to be there the moment they need you. maybe it's just as much my fault, but it can be so damn aggravating.

I started this blog earlier today...and i have a couple other things to add to my little rant!

i hate it when you tell someone something and ask for it to be kept between just the two of you and then that person tells someone else! isn't that the most high school thing you've ever heard! i got bitched out today by someone all because some i trusted went outside our PROMISE and spilled the beans to someone else. i mean what are ya gonna do...but it still blows!

oh and speaking of liars... yea, i hate that too! "we've been friends for years, we go to church together every Sunday" um... maybe that's cognito for "while my husbands gone i hang out with his crack head friend and awkwardly try to make him lucky number 6!" arg... frustrating! please don't get drunk, like you do every night, and try to convince me that the girl on his phone is a crazy drunk! also please don't tell me that your husband is a RECOVERING alcoholic when i just saw him down 2 beers at the Red Lobster! and please inform him that those tacky plastic key chains (that look like they came from a car lot) he wears on his zipper that say "30 DAYS SOBER" are a fucking joke! way to be in jail for a PI dude!

any who... i needed to vent and at the same time avoid pissing people off more! thanks for reading!


LOVE!!

SO sad...

I wanted to post a blog about something that's been on my mind a couple of days now. I'm sure by now you've heard of the 16 yr old girl in FL who was basically imprisoned in a house with 6 other girls and severely beaten. not only was this poor girl their "friend" but the feud started over "trash talking" in myspace comments and texts messages. this girl was beaten so badly that her parents admitted to not being able to recognize her in the hospital she suffered from a concussion, among the many bruises and severe swelling and has STILL not regained complete uses of her left ear and eye! reading these articles and seeing the parents and police speak out about it on Youtube has shaken me to the core. these are girls between 14 and 17 who not just beat the shit out of someone but could have killed her! and above all that they video taped it for laughs and posted it online. now some people blame myspace and youtube and believe they should be shutdown... i disagree. i DO believe that Youtube especially should monitor all video postings, same with Myspace. I know that requires a lot more work...but honestly had these girls known there was no way to post this video there's a chance it may never had happened. on the other hand, because of places like youtube people like me can access these stories and become more aware of the world around us, more than half the news i get in a week comes from online videos! however, regardless off all that i hope these children (6 girls and 2 boys who were lookouts) learn the consequence of their behavior. i can only pray that they are ALL charged as adults and serve hard time for what they've done to this poor girl! imagine, if they get away with this how will they be in 5 years or 10 years once they're fully grown? sure some of the girls may have been more involved in the physical beating than the others, but the fact of the matter is not one fucking person stepped in and said you know what...this is wrong. not one girl tried to stop what was going on or warn the girl before she walked into that house!

a few months ago 4 men walked into a home in Indianapolis and shot and killed 2 mothers and their children! Both mothers were 24 years old and the babies were 23 months and 4 months old. all victims were shot multiple times in the face and torso. a few days later one of the men turned himself in and the 3 others were quickly brought in as well...and you know what, there's a good chance that only one or two of them will spend their life in jail! all because they pulled the trigger and the others men didn't...now is that right? no! because like i said before, not one of those other men tried to stop anyone or called the police right away or call an ambulance...nothing. so should they all serve the same term...in my eyes absolutely!

this whole "well i didn't pull the trigger/throw the punch so i get less time even though i didn't try to stop it" attitude has to change! if you watch someone shoot some or you know your going over to a friends house to tape them beating the shit out of someone else you should with out doubt serve the EXACT sentence as them!

i know that's a lot of writing but this story has been breaking my heart, please watch the videos of people giving their 2 cents on youtube...it's a sad story but unfortunately things like this happen all the time and we need to be aware so that next time maybe someone will speak up and stop something like this from happening!

LOVE!!

Randomness/Misses...

Do you ever miss people? and sometimes not just one person... but people in general. I can probably sit here and list 10 to 20 people that i miss, for so many reasons. I miss my grandpa who passed about a year ago, i miss my friend Sarah who i haven't seen since summer, i miss Emily who moved to Carmel on Friday, i miss Stephanie who i used to work with, i miss crystal too, and amber/Allison/Kurt, and Kim, and my aunt and uncles and all my cousins. that's the thing about loving people... most the time it's great, but when it comes to loosing them or missing them it's 100 times worse! i don't know what brought this on, actually that's a lie... i do. i had a great day, an awesome night and came home about 2am and then checked my myspace and had a comment from my friend amber saying she missed me and loved me. that right there was what sent me into this crazy missing oblivion. so ANYWAY....

some randomness...

i bought shoe stretchers for the AWESOME pair of brown Burberry looking heels i bought and a green pair of heels and they work awesome! I'm sooo excited!

I've been writing like crazy the last couple weeks and plan to start making a demo hopefully in the next month!

i played corn hole for the first time tonight (and i suck) but i rock at smack talking!

anyway, I'm super sleepy and am gonna head off! so peace out... ttys!

LOVE!!!

Ya might want to get comfy for this one...

I have so many things to say and I'm so not fast enough to type all the things running through head down fast enough, so bare with me if this is a bit scattered! so when i last wrote i was down about being a bum... well i guess in some ways that still stands, meaning I'm still unemployed. i refuse to say why because the last thing the world needs from me is another excuse! However, since my last blog i have improved in some areas! i no longer sleep all day, I've been working a lot on my songwriting and guitar playing, I've began packing and I've been enjoying the perks of early spring outdoors!

Tomorrow my step-dad goes to get his sentencing for his OWI charge. not to sound like a bitch but i kind of hope he has to do some jail time. not because i want him to be unhappy or anything, but he definitely needs to learn a lesson. i mean after all he's been through the dude still drinks! hello?! anyone home in there?! so i guess we'll see tomorrow afternoon!

OH! and i missed the deadline to register to vote for the primary next month! i am so pissed! I'm an OBAMA girl for sure but as long as he or Hilary win in the end it's all good! coming from what I THINK is a more republican state I'm surprised to see how many i know that are voting dem. this year! i can't hate to much cause bush won Indiana :( but hopefully this time we get a democratic president. Clinton and Obama are VERY similar, i would love to see them run together (of course Obama for pres and HC for VP!) i don't pretend like i know a whole lot about politics and i don't really even like to talk about it with people cause it's so touchy (like religion) but i hate it when people totally condescend to you because of who you wanna vote for. c'mon people gimme a break. be an ass to me because i cut you off or took the last drink of milk, but not because our political views differ.

i want to paint my truck pink...LOL...like barbie pink with camo seats... that would be hot!

speaking of politics i was just reminded of something else...cliche's and stereotypes. we've all been stereotyped at some point or another...right?! well let me tell ya... Some time back a few months ago i met some friends at a bar a couple towns away for drinks. One of the girls we were meeting is the neighbor of one of my friends. well this girl brought another girl SARAH with her. (still with me?) Well i knew before we arrived that this girl was a lesbian...which was fine and to be honest i was Little confused as to why my friend felt the need to point this out... So we are all in the bar and drinking and having fun and she starts talking about how she's gay and we're all just talking about relationships and things and she looks right at me and another friend and asks us if we're homophobes. well 2 things... 1 NO, and 2 even if i was do you really think I'd sit there and admit it to her face. so we tell her "no" and i begin to explain that one of my bff's is a gay guy and about all the other awesome homos i knew (I'm kinda like a gay guy magnet...loves it!) and she just kinda blew it off. well to break the awkwardness me and the other accused girl leave and go to the bathroom, we were both still kinda surprised but then when we get back to the table we're even more so because we're informed the SARAH decided to tell the table that i was indeed a homophobe and people like me are always like that. let me just say a couple things to that... 1- Just because i listen to country music and drive a truck and watch NASCAR does NOT mean I'm homophobic or racist or any of the other small minded conceptions she had about me. 2- If I'm rude to you it has nothing to do with your sexual orientation, heritage, haircut or favorite color... it likely has something to do with your attitude or maybe i just have to crap. and finally 3- do not accuse me of being homophobic (when i showed up at the bar with another gay friend of mine) and then call some dude at the bar the N WORD! i just really hate that people assume because I'm country or whatever that I'm this or I'm that. i know it happens to everyone for whatever reason, because of your religion, your job, where your from...whatever...but it totally blows!

Do you buy things you'll never use? i do... art supplies and shoes! i wear flip flops year round and probably have 10 pairs of high heels! some are even a size too small...can't believe i admitted that! lol! and I'm real bad about getting in a crafty mood and then buying supplies and never using it! i have bags of scrap booking shit and yarn that I've never touched! i do the same thing with books! i buy books compulsively and hardly ever read them... or i get halfway through and stop reading!

anyway.... that;s gonna have to be enough for now cause its almost 2:30am and i'm pooped! be back sooner than later!

LOVE!!!

Getting me down...

I'm closing in on the end of my lease in about a month and a half, and i have NO idea what I'm doing next. then I'll seriously have like nothing... no job, no boyfriend, no apartment... nothing. so i thought "well this would be the perfect time to pack up and go". but there's so much more than just saying "oh...I'm gonna leave.". i can't even begin to imagine how hard it would be to pick up and leave your friends and family and move 5 hours away where you know NO ONE! on top of just the normal fear I'm not a very independent person at all. my dream is to live in Nashville and be able to pursue my songwriting career. but here i am, 21 with nothing to show and i have this desire to do big things and accomplish all kinds of goals...but no motivation what so ever! i'm scared to death that i'm kinda stuck and i don't know how to break out. i'm in this huge rut and feel like i just keeping digging myself in deeper. i used to be a good worker, motivated, and optimistic. but the longer things stay the way they are the more i feel like i'll never be anything more. if there was a job for excuse making, i would be the CEO of that company. i used to take pride in my ability to make up a lie or excuse on the spot...but then i used my "powers" for good, not for evil :) Now i lie and make up excuses so i don't look bad to my friends and family and even to myself. how pathetic is that? so i'm gonna go to bed now, before i let this get em anymore down.

LOVE!!

Forgot...

Real quick on Movies:

Saw PENELOPE the other day- LOVED it, so cute! Christina Ricci is AWESOME! it's kinda whimsical so don't expect anything too realistic!
The Other Boleyn girl was really great too!

Watched WAITRESS- Loved that movie too! i actually went and bought it after seeing it! Keri Russel rocks and the movie was a lot more than i expected!

ENCHANTED comes out on DVD today and I can't wait to buy it! i loved that movie, plus is has Patrick Dempsey in it HOT! I also can't wait for PS I LOVE YOU, MAD MONEY, and JUNO!

Rented a bunch of movies i still need to watch-
Across the Universe, Martian Child, Dan in Real Life, and gone baby gone.
let ya know how they turn out!

Can't wait for -
Sex & the City, Sisterhood of the traveling pants 2 & Stop loss

Happy St. Pattys & I'm Sick...

I was so so looking forward to St Patricks day, got an AWESOME green shirt (shake your shamrocks), painted nails green, had plans to get drunk...i had it ALL. Yet, as fate would have it... i am sick! Boooo! I KNEW on Friday i was gonna be sick soon...then Saturday i slept all day and knew that was a for sure sign that illness was creepin' up on me! So now I'm full blown sick. stuffy/runny nose, cough, sneeze, fever. plus it's all rainy and cold this week which only makes things worst! i REALLY HAVE to get better soon! Job searching is now at a complete halt, i have to start getting ready to move out in may, i still need to do my taxes, i haven't been by to visit my dog Bo in a month, i need to pay my student loans...argh! so much to do and all i can think about is taking a steamy hot shower and planning a cruise! I'm well aware of my laziness and irresponsibility, which is something i REALLY want to change. but how do you change? you just do right... well how to i break my habits and start new ones and stick with it? i want a change, i want things more streamlined and i want to feel/be more of an adult.

Being sick BLOWS!

LOVE!!

8 Second Saloon...

Went and saw Chris Cagle tonight....AMAZING! i think he's great anyway, but I'd kinda forgot how great he is! i saw a couple of years ago and i can't believe i forgot how great a show he puts on. not only is he really energetic and sounds great, but hes super funny! he joked with the crowd about his failed marriages and about trying to pick up women, then during Country by The Grace of God some drunk guy jumped up on the stage and Chris just started singing with him... he gave him his hat and the mic while he went around and signed autographs... the entire place was crackin up! you can tell he's a good guy, i hope this time around he gets the success he deserves!

so that's 2 concerts this week... i know I'm giving my self inner ear damage, think I'll lay off for a while! :) at least a couple of weeks!

LOVE!!

Every Rose Has it's Thorn...

So the concert was Monday night and let em tell ya..the place was hoppin'! And you should have seen some of the people there...it was AWESOME! these girls (and guys) meant bussines...some of them walked straight out of a Poison video! The place had awesome energy and was packed to the gills. Big John came out first to get us all pumped (i got to see him before the show out by the merch. table, he had a group of girls with him and was saying "hurry before they start taking pictures"..lol). i will say they call him BIG john for a reason... the boy is HUGE! When the moment finally arrived it was everything i was hoping it would be! Suddenly i was thrown into 1987, the hair was high and the music was rockin! the twangs from the electric guitars were impecable! not only did he play and the Bret Michaels Band rock the poison hits, but he sang Knockin On Heavens Doors, Sweet Home Alabama, Your mama don't dance... so many! it was great! so yea...it was fun!! i love concerts in general....but rock concerts are always the best. theres always a TON of energy and people get up and dance and scream... it's really a huge party! anywho... it's 4am and i ought to be in bed! blog later!

LOVE!!

PS: i so slipped and fell down my friends stairs tonight (thnk god i only hit 2) and now my back feels like i was hit with a 2X4! OUCH!!! we'll see how it looks tomrrow!

Brett

Create Your Own Polaroid

Weekend...

Just got home from the movie a bit ago and wanted to post my weekend! i went to the casino on Saturday night and we had a lot of fun (except for the bitch bartender at the bar we went to). i stayed up way too late (5am) and we had to head back at 8am! so i was REALLY tired, but i got McDonald's breakfast so it was all good! i got home around 11am and slept till almost 4! ha ha! i got to go see Fools Gold tonight too. it was really cute, i LOVE those two together! I'm REALLY excited for tomorrow... BRET MICHAELS concert! me and the girls are so gonna rock it out! I'll be sure to post a picture on here. i may write more later...but George Lopez is on now and I'm distracted!

LOVE!!

My American Idol...

Real quick i wanted to talk about American idol. My fav girls are Amanda, Kristy Lee and Brooke. Amanda won't win, but her attitude and voice are exactly what idol needed... she'll go far without the win. Kristy Lee probably doesn't have much of a shot either but she has a great presence and an awesome voice. I think Brooke has one of the best shots for the girls because she's also unique and original. she never does bad and she's true to who she is. for the guys David A. is the big breakout from the show! but he's not one of my favs. believe me i know he is AMAZING, but i can't see him singing much music i would be into. My favs are Michael Johns, David Cook and Robbie Carrico. obviously Robbie already got voted off... which i think was pretty unfair. colton, Danny, Luke and chikeze all should have gone home before him...oh well. between Michael and and David c, David is my fav... but they're both way awesome (and Michael has that hot Australian thing going on... David's just HOT!). but we all know neither of them will win either. if a guy win it'll be David a. if David a. doesn't win... I'll be very surprised. he's kind of like the talented cute sanjaya. he's freaking adorable, has an AMAZING voice, he's all of like what...16. he will win, and not that he doesn't deserve, he may very well... but contestants like him and sanjay get so much hype around them that other contestants may not get.... seems kind of unfair. oh well.. boy can definitely sAng!

LOVE!!

I Love You Dr. Green...

I'm so excited about this weekend. Tomorrow i get to go spend the night with some of my best girls at a casino around here. i love casinos! not so much for the gambling... but for the energy. i spent 4 days in Vegas this past July and i loved it! it's one of my friends birthdays, so we're going to par-tay! This whole week is pretty cool! Monday I'm going to see Bret Michael's in concert (YES! lol) then Thursday i get to have lunch with two of my girlie's i hardly ever see, Friday i see Chris Cagle in concert, and Saturday is my little nephews first birthday! it's gonna be busy but oodles of fun! right now I'm watching montel. i love him, i can't help it! i love Dr. Phil and Oprah too! montel is talking about doing good deeds for others. i don't know about you...but i could probably do good deeds for others. I'm really good about giving people gifts, i LOVE giving people really good gifts... it's like a high for me. and they don't have to be super expensive gifts either. i love the surprise kind of gifts, ones that are kind of an inside joke between you and the other person! i just love seeing peoples reactions. but there's a big difference between giving and doing good deeds. i wish i was the kind of person who gave more with out expectations. while i love giving gifts, it does seem kind of selfish that my high comes from their response to my gift. Dr. Green (Anthony Edwards) from ER was on the show talking about this organization he works with that donates old running shoes to people in Africa. It just so happens i bought a new pair of tennis shoes yesterday...maybe i could donate my old ones. i DO LOVE Dr. green (i pretty much quit watching ER when they killed him of)! I'll do it...and you can do it too! the website is http://shoe4africa.org/. if you want to ship some old shoes it MUST be by airmail (UPS is the cheapest) the address is -

Shoe 4 Africac/o Monicah KiplagatPO Box 6943Eldoret, Kenya

another GREAT organization is Pawsitivly Famous! A great organization that donates money to the humane society of east Texas. their website is

http://www.runningforacause.com/pawsitivelyfamous/index.html

so do a good deed, ship your shoes, and we'll all be a little better off!


LOVE!!

Anyone Notice...

I'm in the middle of doing laundry and thought i would post a blog real quick. i have nothing special to say just that it surprises me sometimes how oblivious people can be. maybe you have a friend or a family member who has a really strong really annoying personality trait. maybe they're overly needy, or gossip a lot, or really selfish.... you know those people. those people who don't just exhibit a trait but they take it all the way to the extreme like they're trying to be the king of ego's or the princess of dishonesty. i know those people. we all exhibit bad characteristics, but there are just some people who take it way too far. and those are the people who are the most oblivious to their downfalls. i know (most the time) when I'm being an ass or lazy or whatever... but the the people who are overly lazy, selfish, needy (ect.)... never acknowledge it. that's really annoying to me... thought i might point that out.

LOVE!!

Fly Away...

If I had written a Sugarland song it would be one of two songs either STAY or FLY AWAY. This song perfectly describes everything i've ever thought or felt about my life. The first time i heard this sond i was like WHOA! i love everything about this song! it's the perfect "i love you, but i gotta get the hell outta here and live MY life" kinda song! i just can't tell ya how much i love it! Hope yoiu enjoy it too!

"if you never jump you'll never know if you can fly!"
-Miranda Lambert

LOVE!!

Why am I Lazy...

Why can't i follow through with things? ok... maybe i know why i can't, because i never have. seriously though, what in my DNA or upbringing made me a quitter? i hate it. i try to make myself stick things out but i just can't seem to do it. i'm pretty good with keeping jobs, but anything else (school, diets...) i just quit! anytime something gets hard or confusing i either quit or just let it run it's corse and figure shit'll buff. and it's stupid crap too! like i HATE cleaning but instead of cleaning up my mess right when i make it i let my apartment get sooo messy that i don't even want to be there. then it's so far gone by then i just ignore it. the same i ignore the broken gas gauge in my truck, the fact that my rent is late, doing my taxes, and visiting Bo. i am seriously aware of how much of a procastenator i am...and i seriously hate it. when i accomplish something it's the best feeling to me. i love the satisfaction of setting a goal and meeting it, it makes me feel organized and in control. so question... if i like that feeling so much why am i SO damn lazy? and how do you fix lazy? it's easy to just tell yourself your gonna do it...but that seldom works because i obviously have NO will power. ummm... more pondering must be done!

CMA Fest 2008...

Real quick-

SOOOOOOOOO excited, i just saw the list for the first round of artists for the Cma Fest! I bought my tickets last summer and have been waiting forever for them to start naming names! incase you don't know what the CMA Fest is it's basically a HUGE four day concert in Nashville! theres all kinds of stages and artists and other things to do pretty much 24.7! this is my first time but being the music lover i am...i KNOW i'll have a blast! anyway, i was excited and wanted to share! The list is on the left hand side of the page at the bottom, i'll keep it up to date as i learn more! If your interested in the CMA Fest visit http://cmafest.com/2008!


LOVE!!

Get Off Your Ass and Do Something Day...

SO in honor of my own holiday today, which i randomly made up and called Get Off Your Ass and Do Something Day, i would like to share some of the things I did. I taught myself to knit (kinda...i just started tonight, but i think i like it), I picked up my guitar and taught myself a NEW song (Home-Blake Shelton), exercised with Holly, and put together my "niece" (my sisters boyfriends little girl) Easter basket. I'm thinking of turning this day into a week, or a month...or a whole new lifestyle! i didn't accomplish anything super exciting, but i did accomplish something. my goal tomorrow is to go visit my dog Bo, she lives out on my uncles farm right now. right now i'm watching george lopez, and knowing i need to clean. pest control is coming on wednesday and i hate it when they come by and my apartment is messy. ANYWAY, tomorrow celebrate your own holiday! i think i'll make tomorrow... Clean Your Apartment & Get A Pedicure Day!

LOVE!!!

PS: the icon is random...but cute! Love the song!

Home...

I'm so excited that i figured out how to add music on here (http://imeem.com)! I LOVE music and really wanted to show that on my page! The song i chose for now is "Home" by Blake Shelton, with Miranda Lambert in the background. I believe it's originally a Michael Buble song. I picked this song because I love Blake and especially MIRANDA! I think the song has a great melody and both sound incredible. I'm sure i'll change the song often... sometimes i'll say why...sometimes not. But i'm so excited to share the music i love on here!

LOVE!!

God Reads Blogs...

So I'm convinced that God reads blogs! Ha ha ha! Today was the most beautiful day this year! It was 60 degrees all day, the sun was shining, not a cloud in the sky, and just the lightest breeze! It was the perfect day to drive around with the windows down and blast your favorite CD (Miranda Lambert Crazy-Ex Girlfriend)! It was such a pretty pretty day! That is until I came home to a messy messy apartment! but I'm just going to keep my smile on and remember the wonderful EARLY spring weather and clean!

(PS: If your reading this... I could use a JOB!) :)

LOVE!!

Don't do the crime if you can't do the time...

Sometime before Christmas my step-father was arrested for an OWI. He's a truck driver, he was in his 18-wheeler when he was pulled over. let me say this first, i think it is a huge irresponsibility to drink and drive and it takes a great amount of arrogance and selfishness to put others life's in danger because you decided to have a couple drinks before getting into your car. But to have those drinks and then get in a semi truck is perhaps the dumbest thing I've ever heard! my first step dad lost his leg because he was drinking and driving (see the pattern?) and while i felt it was unfortunate, he was a grown man who mad a terrible decision... one that almost killed him. Since my current step-fathers arrest he has been unemployed and been on and off the wagon a couple of times. in the last 2 and a half weeks he has been arrested twice. once on a drunk and disorderly charge and another on public intoxication (notice another patter?) he's been to court for both of the later charges and is now spending time in a "recovery house". i don't really think that this is gonna make a huge difference, in fact i think it's a waste of money. he still has to go to court for his OWI charge. for this charge he could actually do time in jail, which i be live he should. so far it seems like he's gotten off pretty easily. he's kinda just coating through this whole thing. I'm not trying be cold hearted, because i do love my step dad very much. but i have no sympathy for someone who endangers not only his life and the lives of others, but my families financial stability (lawyer, hospital, or god forbid funeral bills) and our emotional well being. I'm 21 years old and i do drink, though not often because of my families history with alcohol abuse, and i can truthfully say I've never drank and drove. i lost a friend in high school who made this mistake and it's sad that something that should come as just common knowledge leads to such fatal outcomes. i'm kind of known as the anti-drink and drive in my circle. i get calls all the time at 3 and 4am to pick up drunk friends, and yea it's a little annoying and sometimes i don't want to answer the phone, but i think i'm just so glad they made the choice to call someone else than to try and drive themselves home, that i just can't say no. sounds kind of dorky right...lol.. well i'd rather be a little dorky than ever loose another friend.

BTW... i AM in a good mood today, which is why i waited until today to write this all out. imagine how depressing it would have been if i were in a bad mood!!

:D

LOVE!!

Needing more sunshine...

Finally some sunny weather. It's still cold, and there's still clouds in the sky, but for the first time in a while i've actually gotten to break out the sunglasses! i thrive on sunlight... i'm one of those people who NEED sun. i love summer, and when you live in the midwest (especially southern indiana) the weather is pretty unprdictable. so ANYTIME i get even just a 1/2 hour of sunshine in the winter it's enough to pump me up for at least the day. So needless to say i'm in a pretty good mood today.

Take Care of Your Teeth...

I SOOO had to get on here and share a little bit about my horrible morning! I woke up at 7am and had to drive home from a friends (which is about 1/2 and hour away). I had a dantist appointment at 10:50am to have an infected tooth removed. when i set the appointment up i made sure they knew that the tooth HAD to either be removed or i needed a root canal (i'm no dentist, but i'd already been to the doctor once because the tooth was so infect i had to be put on antbiotics and pain killers). the nice woman assured me she would leave plenty of time just in case one of the procedures was needed. so i go in there (which i was almost late to 'cause i fell asleep on my couch when i got home), i get my xray, and the dentist comes in. she starts looking at my tooth and confirms that yes i indeed need a root canal (much more expensive, but more pro's in the long run). so i tell lets do it, i'm ready... too bad they don't do root canals there! what!? yea... and my "dentist" was just a hygenist and couldn't even pull it! then she tells me that they're in between dentists and it'll be a couple weeks before i can get another appointment (assuming the new dentist will actually do root canals). by this point i'm alreay pissed because i was under the influence that when i showed up things would be taken care of. so i go to the front desk and realize i have to PAY! $56! $56 ! one more time.... $56! does anyone else think thats ridiculous?! for them to just tell me i needed a root canal...uh, duh. anyway, i've been ranting all day and just needed to get it off my chest one more time... thanks for listening!

(by the way in case your wondering, soft enamal runs really bad in my family and i've had poblems with cavities and stuff ever since i was litle... promise i brush my teeth... but i don't floss... oops! don't tell my dentist!) :)

LOVE!!

The Songwriter I Became...

When i was young i used to always go around making up songs and singing them around the house. mind you that i was a chubby little kid whom at one point had this afro like shirly temple thing going on (kids on the playground used to ask me if i was a boy or a girl, i never forgave my aunt for that haircut!). Anyway, i just loved music growing up. i remeber the first CD i ever bought was REBA! Music for me, like i think it is for a lot of people, is a kind of escape. i had a great childhood with many fond memories of dirtbikes, and family trips, and dance class. however there was anotherside to my childhood. My parents divorced when i was 5, my mother is an alcoholic whose been married to multiple drug addicts, alcoholics and abusers, my father wasn't around much while i was young (he wanted to be young and party), and my sister was bipolar with ADD. childhood was crazy for me and often pretty upsetting. all of those things inevitably carried into my teenage years, and now in my adult life. i do find now that i'm older it's easier to just say the hell with things and let it roll of my back. i've always said though that in some strange way i'm greatful for what i had to go through growing up because it made me so much stronger, and it showed me what i didn't want or want to be.i belive that my passion for writing and especially song writing has come from both these bad and good experiances. i was kind of the black sheep in my family because i was quite, and kinda shy. i also never really got in trouble, i never got into drugs or even much drinking for that matter. so because of these things i learned early to put everything down on paper and into song. when i was17 i finally realized that i could actually make a living out of doing what i loved, which is writing music. so when i was 18 i begged my dad for a guitar for christmas, and he delivered. a blue indiana madison acoustic/electric. it was truly love at first strum! however to my regret i didn't really pick up that guitar and start really playing until about a year ago. eveyone wants to know what i want to be when i "grow up"? i take that as meaning "what do you want to do when you finally decide to joining us big kids in the real world"? i always tell them the same thing... i wanna be a songwriter. you can imagine how much that excited my family. it's impossible, it's not a real job, it's a shot in the dark, or my favorite... you have to be really good to do that hun! maybe they're right... but i say nothings impossible, if you get paid it's a real job, light shines in the darkest places, and i am really good. i have an answer for everything, some people call it stubborness, i call it passion. for everytime my heart gets broke, i fall in love, i have a bad day, or things are going just right...i have a song. they're not always good, they don't always get finished, and maybe they'll be nothing more than used up memory on my computer, but because i know they can be there life goes on a little bit smoother with a little bit more hope in what i want to be and faith that i can be that person!

All in a name...

This blog is kind of pointless... but i'm trying to get in the habit of writing. Thanks!

When it came to naming my blog I wanted something a little orginal...something simple, but a little thoughtful. The first thing i thought was just calling it Carey Lynn (too simple). Then i went to My Diary or My Journal (too easy). I wanted to be descriptive, so i thought.... what IS this blog? My thoughts, my story, my whole life. This was gonna be my outlet, my source of communication. These were my confessions (now i have Usher stuck in my head). So i needed to decided what kind of confessions these were. I thought...ummm... confessions of a redneck girl, no....confessions of a free girl, a silly girl, a good girl.....no, no no! I wanted the right word, but i didn't want to label myself. While maybe i am all these things, i'm a hell of a lot more. so i decided to just stick with what worked... while i'm more than just a girl, it's one of the few constants i have. My hair may not always be auburn, i might not always love black nail polish, and i might not always love country music...ok i take that back i'll always love country music... and i'll always be a GIRL. :)


Love!

Who I am...

My name is Carey. If i had to be described in 15 words or less they would be... sarcastic, funny, writer, musician, cosmetologist(kinda), redneck, boy crazy, laid-back, beer drinker, & makeup obsessed! My favorite music is country and rock. I love brown haired, brown eyed boys or blue eyed blonde boys, or green eyes, or redhaired....lol. I live for summer and flip-flops. I'm obsessed with guys with accents (especially austrailian or irish). I watch at least an hour of youtube a day. Pink and camo are my favorite colors. I love animals (I have 2 cats named Van Zant and Ripsi and I have 2 dogs named Bo and Baby). I drive a pickup and have a four wheeler, but refuse to leave the house without tweezers, MAC lipgloss, and my DKNY perfume. NASCAR drivers are sexy, so is a guy with a guitar! That's me in a nutshell.

Love!