I hate being sick! I hate having a sore throat and ear aches and stuffy noses... i hate it all! but besides being sick all else is kosher for now. in the next month my life will fall together finally. i used the word FALL on purpose. had i said "come together" that might imply that i had a plan for the way things were going to turn out... but that's so not the case. i used the word FALL because things are literally going to drop from where they are now into a completely new place, and unfortunately i have put myself in the position to just let it happen without much say so. my lease is almost up, I'm almost out of money, i have no where else to live (but my moms), i have no job... isn't it amazing where you end up in a year. A year ago i was in school, i had a large sum of money from an inheritance, i was looking forward to so much for so long and now it's all washed away. gone to laziness, irresponsibility, and a lack maturity. it amazes me still, not a day goes by where i don't wake up and think... how the hell did i get here? and what the hell can i do to go back? maybe that's what keeps us going, the thought that we can still go back. OK, maybe i can't really go back, but i could be the me i was then. i could still be the girl i always thought i could be. Right...
PS: It's not about happily ever after, It's about happy right now! (and hoping you still get the happily ever after too)
LOVE!!!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Bitch Fest...
Sometimes there are things going on in the world that are bigger than you, but that may be hard to see. However hard it is to admit it, most of the time, we kinda forget about what else may exist outside our own problems. i don't think that makes me selfish, i just try to put myself first. i didn't used to... and i got burned a lot. HOWEVER, do you ever feel like your constantly put on the back burner? Like maybe to some people your always the last thing on their mind. I'm really trying to be honest here without sounding way selfish or like an attention hog. it's hard not to be upset though when you have someone who means so much to you and you feel like you mean so little to them. it's like there's always something else going on and there's never quite enough time for you, but your expected to be there the moment they need you. maybe it's just as much my fault, but it can be so damn aggravating.
I started this blog earlier today...and i have a couple other things to add to my little rant!
i hate it when you tell someone something and ask for it to be kept between just the two of you and then that person tells someone else! isn't that the most high school thing you've ever heard! i got bitched out today by someone all because some i trusted went outside our PROMISE and spilled the beans to someone else. i mean what are ya gonna do...but it still blows!
oh and speaking of liars... yea, i hate that too! "we've been friends for years, we go to church together every Sunday" um... maybe that's cognito for "while my husbands gone i hang out with his crack head friend and awkwardly try to make him lucky number 6!" arg... frustrating! please don't get drunk, like you do every night, and try to convince me that the girl on his phone is a crazy drunk! also please don't tell me that your husband is a RECOVERING alcoholic when i just saw him down 2 beers at the Red Lobster! and please inform him that those tacky plastic key chains (that look like they came from a car lot) he wears on his zipper that say "30 DAYS SOBER" are a fucking joke! way to be in jail for a PI dude!
any who... i needed to vent and at the same time avoid pissing people off more! thanks for reading!
LOVE!!
I started this blog earlier today...and i have a couple other things to add to my little rant!
i hate it when you tell someone something and ask for it to be kept between just the two of you and then that person tells someone else! isn't that the most high school thing you've ever heard! i got bitched out today by someone all because some i trusted went outside our PROMISE and spilled the beans to someone else. i mean what are ya gonna do...but it still blows!
oh and speaking of liars... yea, i hate that too! "we've been friends for years, we go to church together every Sunday" um... maybe that's cognito for "while my husbands gone i hang out with his crack head friend and awkwardly try to make him lucky number 6!" arg... frustrating! please don't get drunk, like you do every night, and try to convince me that the girl on his phone is a crazy drunk! also please don't tell me that your husband is a RECOVERING alcoholic when i just saw him down 2 beers at the Red Lobster! and please inform him that those tacky plastic key chains (that look like they came from a car lot) he wears on his zipper that say "30 DAYS SOBER" are a fucking joke! way to be in jail for a PI dude!
any who... i needed to vent and at the same time avoid pissing people off more! thanks for reading!
LOVE!!
Monday, April 14, 2008
SO sad...
I wanted to post a blog about something that's been on my mind a couple of days now. I'm sure by now you've heard of the 16 yr old girl in FL who was basically imprisoned in a house with 6 other girls and severely beaten. not only was this poor girl their "friend" but the feud started over "trash talking" in myspace comments and texts messages. this girl was beaten so badly that her parents admitted to not being able to recognize her in the hospital she suffered from a concussion, among the many bruises and severe swelling and has STILL not regained complete uses of her left ear and eye! reading these articles and seeing the parents and police speak out about it on Youtube has shaken me to the core. these are girls between 14 and 17 who not just beat the shit out of someone but could have killed her! and above all that they video taped it for laughs and posted it online. now some people blame myspace and youtube and believe they should be shutdown... i disagree. i DO believe that Youtube especially should monitor all video postings, same with Myspace. I know that requires a lot more work...but honestly had these girls known there was no way to post this video there's a chance it may never had happened. on the other hand, because of places like youtube people like me can access these stories and become more aware of the world around us, more than half the news i get in a week comes from online videos! however, regardless off all that i hope these children (6 girls and 2 boys who were lookouts) learn the consequence of their behavior. i can only pray that they are ALL charged as adults and serve hard time for what they've done to this poor girl! imagine, if they get away with this how will they be in 5 years or 10 years once they're fully grown? sure some of the girls may have been more involved in the physical beating than the others, but the fact of the matter is not one fucking person stepped in and said you know what...this is wrong. not one girl tried to stop what was going on or warn the girl before she walked into that house!
a few months ago 4 men walked into a home in Indianapolis and shot and killed 2 mothers and their children! Both mothers were 24 years old and the babies were 23 months and 4 months old. all victims were shot multiple times in the face and torso. a few days later one of the men turned himself in and the 3 others were quickly brought in as well...and you know what, there's a good chance that only one or two of them will spend their life in jail! all because they pulled the trigger and the others men didn't...now is that right? no! because like i said before, not one of those other men tried to stop anyone or called the police right away or call an ambulance...nothing. so should they all serve the same term...in my eyes absolutely!
this whole "well i didn't pull the trigger/throw the punch so i get less time even though i didn't try to stop it" attitude has to change! if you watch someone shoot some or you know your going over to a friends house to tape them beating the shit out of someone else you should with out doubt serve the EXACT sentence as them!
i know that's a lot of writing but this story has been breaking my heart, please watch the videos of people giving their 2 cents on youtube...it's a sad story but unfortunately things like this happen all the time and we need to be aware so that next time maybe someone will speak up and stop something like this from happening!
LOVE!!
a few months ago 4 men walked into a home in Indianapolis and shot and killed 2 mothers and their children! Both mothers were 24 years old and the babies were 23 months and 4 months old. all victims were shot multiple times in the face and torso. a few days later one of the men turned himself in and the 3 others were quickly brought in as well...and you know what, there's a good chance that only one or two of them will spend their life in jail! all because they pulled the trigger and the others men didn't...now is that right? no! because like i said before, not one of those other men tried to stop anyone or called the police right away or call an ambulance...nothing. so should they all serve the same term...in my eyes absolutely!
this whole "well i didn't pull the trigger/throw the punch so i get less time even though i didn't try to stop it" attitude has to change! if you watch someone shoot some or you know your going over to a friends house to tape them beating the shit out of someone else you should with out doubt serve the EXACT sentence as them!
i know that's a lot of writing but this story has been breaking my heart, please watch the videos of people giving their 2 cents on youtube...it's a sad story but unfortunately things like this happen all the time and we need to be aware so that next time maybe someone will speak up and stop something like this from happening!
LOVE!!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Randomness/Misses...
Do you ever miss people? and sometimes not just one person... but people in general. I can probably sit here and list 10 to 20 people that i miss, for so many reasons. I miss my grandpa who passed about a year ago, i miss my friend Sarah who i haven't seen since summer, i miss Emily who moved to Carmel on Friday, i miss Stephanie who i used to work with, i miss crystal too, and amber/Allison/Kurt, and Kim, and my aunt and uncles and all my cousins. that's the thing about loving people... most the time it's great, but when it comes to loosing them or missing them it's 100 times worse! i don't know what brought this on, actually that's a lie... i do. i had a great day, an awesome night and came home about 2am and then checked my myspace and had a comment from my friend amber saying she missed me and loved me. that right there was what sent me into this crazy missing oblivion. so ANYWAY....
some randomness...
i bought shoe stretchers for the AWESOME pair of brown Burberry looking heels i bought and a green pair of heels and they work awesome! I'm sooo excited!
I've been writing like crazy the last couple weeks and plan to start making a demo hopefully in the next month!
i played corn hole for the first time tonight (and i suck) but i rock at smack talking!
anyway, I'm super sleepy and am gonna head off! so peace out... ttys!
LOVE!!!
some randomness...
i bought shoe stretchers for the AWESOME pair of brown Burberry looking heels i bought and a green pair of heels and they work awesome! I'm sooo excited!
I've been writing like crazy the last couple weeks and plan to start making a demo hopefully in the next month!
i played corn hole for the first time tonight (and i suck) but i rock at smack talking!
anyway, I'm super sleepy and am gonna head off! so peace out... ttys!
LOVE!!!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Ya might want to get comfy for this one...
I have so many things to say and I'm so not fast enough to type all the things running through head down fast enough, so bare with me if this is a bit scattered! so when i last wrote i was down about being a bum... well i guess in some ways that still stands, meaning I'm still unemployed. i refuse to say why because the last thing the world needs from me is another excuse! However, since my last blog i have improved in some areas! i no longer sleep all day, I've been working a lot on my songwriting and guitar playing, I've began packing and I've been enjoying the perks of early spring outdoors!
Tomorrow my step-dad goes to get his sentencing for his OWI charge. not to sound like a bitch but i kind of hope he has to do some jail time. not because i want him to be unhappy or anything, but he definitely needs to learn a lesson. i mean after all he's been through the dude still drinks! hello?! anyone home in there?! so i guess we'll see tomorrow afternoon!
OH! and i missed the deadline to register to vote for the primary next month! i am so pissed! I'm an OBAMA girl for sure but as long as he or Hilary win in the end it's all good! coming from what I THINK is a more republican state I'm surprised to see how many i know that are voting dem. this year! i can't hate to much cause bush won Indiana :( but hopefully this time we get a democratic president. Clinton and Obama are VERY similar, i would love to see them run together (of course Obama for pres and HC for VP!) i don't pretend like i know a whole lot about politics and i don't really even like to talk about it with people cause it's so touchy (like religion) but i hate it when people totally condescend to you because of who you wanna vote for. c'mon people gimme a break. be an ass to me because i cut you off or took the last drink of milk, but not because our political views differ.
i want to paint my truck pink...LOL...like barbie pink with camo seats... that would be hot!
speaking of politics i was just reminded of something else...cliche's and stereotypes. we've all been stereotyped at some point or another...right?! well let me tell ya... Some time back a few months ago i met some friends at a bar a couple towns away for drinks. One of the girls we were meeting is the neighbor of one of my friends. well this girl brought another girl SARAH with her. (still with me?) Well i knew before we arrived that this girl was a lesbian...which was fine and to be honest i was Little confused as to why my friend felt the need to point this out... So we are all in the bar and drinking and having fun and she starts talking about how she's gay and we're all just talking about relationships and things and she looks right at me and another friend and asks us if we're homophobes. well 2 things... 1 NO, and 2 even if i was do you really think I'd sit there and admit it to her face. so we tell her "no" and i begin to explain that one of my bff's is a gay guy and about all the other awesome homos i knew (I'm kinda like a gay guy magnet...loves it!) and she just kinda blew it off. well to break the awkwardness me and the other accused girl leave and go to the bathroom, we were both still kinda surprised but then when we get back to the table we're even more so because we're informed the SARAH decided to tell the table that i was indeed a homophobe and people like me are always like that. let me just say a couple things to that... 1- Just because i listen to country music and drive a truck and watch NASCAR does NOT mean I'm homophobic or racist or any of the other small minded conceptions she had about me. 2- If I'm rude to you it has nothing to do with your sexual orientation, heritage, haircut or favorite color... it likely has something to do with your attitude or maybe i just have to crap. and finally 3- do not accuse me of being homophobic (when i showed up at the bar with another gay friend of mine) and then call some dude at the bar the N WORD! i just really hate that people assume because I'm country or whatever that I'm this or I'm that. i know it happens to everyone for whatever reason, because of your religion, your job, where your from...whatever...but it totally blows!
Do you buy things you'll never use? i do... art supplies and shoes! i wear flip flops year round and probably have 10 pairs of high heels! some are even a size too small...can't believe i admitted that! lol! and I'm real bad about getting in a crafty mood and then buying supplies and never using it! i have bags of scrap booking shit and yarn that I've never touched! i do the same thing with books! i buy books compulsively and hardly ever read them... or i get halfway through and stop reading!
anyway.... that;s gonna have to be enough for now cause its almost 2:30am and i'm pooped! be back sooner than later!
LOVE!!!
Tomorrow my step-dad goes to get his sentencing for his OWI charge. not to sound like a bitch but i kind of hope he has to do some jail time. not because i want him to be unhappy or anything, but he definitely needs to learn a lesson. i mean after all he's been through the dude still drinks! hello?! anyone home in there?! so i guess we'll see tomorrow afternoon!
OH! and i missed the deadline to register to vote for the primary next month! i am so pissed! I'm an OBAMA girl for sure but as long as he or Hilary win in the end it's all good! coming from what I THINK is a more republican state I'm surprised to see how many i know that are voting dem. this year! i can't hate to much cause bush won Indiana :( but hopefully this time we get a democratic president. Clinton and Obama are VERY similar, i would love to see them run together (of course Obama for pres and HC for VP!) i don't pretend like i know a whole lot about politics and i don't really even like to talk about it with people cause it's so touchy (like religion) but i hate it when people totally condescend to you because of who you wanna vote for. c'mon people gimme a break. be an ass to me because i cut you off or took the last drink of milk, but not because our political views differ.
i want to paint my truck pink...LOL...like barbie pink with camo seats... that would be hot!
speaking of politics i was just reminded of something else...cliche's and stereotypes. we've all been stereotyped at some point or another...right?! well let me tell ya... Some time back a few months ago i met some friends at a bar a couple towns away for drinks. One of the girls we were meeting is the neighbor of one of my friends. well this girl brought another girl SARAH with her. (still with me?) Well i knew before we arrived that this girl was a lesbian...which was fine and to be honest i was Little confused as to why my friend felt the need to point this out... So we are all in the bar and drinking and having fun and she starts talking about how she's gay and we're all just talking about relationships and things and she looks right at me and another friend and asks us if we're homophobes. well 2 things... 1 NO, and 2 even if i was do you really think I'd sit there and admit it to her face. so we tell her "no" and i begin to explain that one of my bff's is a gay guy and about all the other awesome homos i knew (I'm kinda like a gay guy magnet...loves it!) and she just kinda blew it off. well to break the awkwardness me and the other accused girl leave and go to the bathroom, we were both still kinda surprised but then when we get back to the table we're even more so because we're informed the SARAH decided to tell the table that i was indeed a homophobe and people like me are always like that. let me just say a couple things to that... 1- Just because i listen to country music and drive a truck and watch NASCAR does NOT mean I'm homophobic or racist or any of the other small minded conceptions she had about me. 2- If I'm rude to you it has nothing to do with your sexual orientation, heritage, haircut or favorite color... it likely has something to do with your attitude or maybe i just have to crap. and finally 3- do not accuse me of being homophobic (when i showed up at the bar with another gay friend of mine) and then call some dude at the bar the N WORD! i just really hate that people assume because I'm country or whatever that I'm this or I'm that. i know it happens to everyone for whatever reason, because of your religion, your job, where your from...whatever...but it totally blows!
Do you buy things you'll never use? i do... art supplies and shoes! i wear flip flops year round and probably have 10 pairs of high heels! some are even a size too small...can't believe i admitted that! lol! and I'm real bad about getting in a crafty mood and then buying supplies and never using it! i have bags of scrap booking shit and yarn that I've never touched! i do the same thing with books! i buy books compulsively and hardly ever read them... or i get halfway through and stop reading!
anyway.... that;s gonna have to be enough for now cause its almost 2:30am and i'm pooped! be back sooner than later!
LOVE!!!
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